Update on my foot, a story and working on one of my goals

This week my husband switched his work schedule around so he could drive me to my 8:15 appointment at the podiatrist this morning. I went in with hopes high even bringing with me my right shoe so that I could hopefully come walking out. My foot this morning was still black and blue and swollen so I tried not to get my hopes too high.

The doctor did x-rays and said one more week off my foot. He said the bone is still too weak to walk on. I want to cry! It’s been so difficult caring for two small children on one foot that it’s really hard not to feel like despairing! I’m trying to tell myself that 3 weeks ago it felt impossible and some how we made it through and somehow we’ll make it through this week. God has His purposes that I am not even aware of, I know it!

Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”

Not to yank a scripture out of context but I do believe that even this small thing like healing from a foot surgery, if this could not be used for my good that God would not have allowed it in my life. I trust He will use it for my good! And my foot is healing which is good! And a few weeks from now it should all be over.

More good news is that I was cleared to drive while wearing the small bootie I was sent home from the hospital with which is a big improvement. The doctor sent me home with a big knee high plastic boot that I’ll be able to start walking on next week and keep on for 2-3 weeks. This week he said to use the boot with crutches and not to put my full weight on the foot yet.

So that’s it. I literally have had nightmares almost ever night that I would have to stay off my foot another week and it came true!

I did get to give a gospel tract to someone last night because of my foot! When my husband got off work last night we needed milk and a few other basics so we went together to Kroger. We were in the entryway of the store and I was leaning on my crutches while my husband loaded the kids into the cart. “Ma’am! Ma’am!” A man’s voice behind me said and I turned around to see a young man, his face dripping with sweat. I don’t know why he was so sweaty- it looked like he had been jogging outside. “Yes Sir?” I asked. “Can I pray for your foot?” he asked. “Are you a believer in Jesus?” I asked him. He said he was and told him, “That’s good news, so are we.” “So, can I pray for healing for your foot? I need to be about the work of God you know healing people and stuff.” “Well,” I told him, “I get the stitches out tomorrow so I should be alright but thank you for offering. I do have something I want to give you though.” It was his turn to look puzzled as I opened the diaper bag to pull out a gospel tract. I told him what it was and he said thanks and ran back outside.

I have a charismatic back round so I knew where the guy was coming from and when I got back out to the van I prayed for him. Weird story I know but maybe God wanted to use me to either share the gospel with him or encourage him in some way. I don’t know anything about him or his back round so I don’t want to make any judgment I just know the very specific charismatic circles I grew up in didn’t teach the gospel or at least didn’t explain it very well.

(and if you identify as charismatic please know I understand that’s a very vague word and individual churches are just that- individual and teach different things)

On a different note, I can’t do much right now but I’m trying to work on one of my New Year goals. 

I made a blood sugar, food and insulin log and bought a new ink cartridge for our printer so I could make copies of it. I put about a couple weeks worth of pages in it to see how I like it. I’m working to get in the habit of writing stuff down. The more I can see what’s going on the better I can manage it.

Did you make any New Year resolutions? Have you gotten started yet? How’s it going?



Life right now and 2017 goals

This past weekend was T.J’s 2nd birthday. My baby is two!! How is that!? I don’t want to touch those curls with a pair of scissors yet. I know those curls may never grow back and I also know that when he gets his first hair cut he’ll look like a big boy. Those beautiful golden curls are my way of having my baby just a little bit longer!

Let me tell you about life right now- 4 and 2 years has me ON MY TOES! In a lot of ways it’s the funnest stage of motherhood I’ve been in. I like to do stuff and experience new things with my kids and the older they get the easier this is to do. In other ways though this is the most intense season of parenting I’ve ever been in!

It’s finally cooled down around here and I am loving the cold weather! My husband is working on building the kids a swing set on his days off and its been exciting to see it take shape. He designed it himself and it’s going to be the swing set of all swing sets! I can’t wait to show it to you completed. You’ll probably find me spending my days playing on it once it’s done lol!

Yesterday I accomplished something that I never have done before. I finished reading the Old Testament! I started back in January using a read through the Bible chronologically reading plan. Typically over the years as I have read the Bible I have skipped a lot of Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel and the minor prophets. It was hard for me to read something that I didn’t really understand.

Three things helped me tremendously this year and I would suggest you try them out. First, reading it chronologically gave me an understanding of where it fit in with the story of the Bible and when it was happening historically. Each time an event would be recorded I would read it each time it was recorded in the Bible before going on to the next event. It helped me keep straight what was happening when. It also gave me a better understanding of why the prophet was saying what he was because I understood the time he was living in and what was going on.

Two, before reading a book I watched a video by The Bible Project on Youtube. These give really good overviews of each book. It helped when reading through detail heavy passages to not loose focus of the main objective of the book.

Three, I read before my kids woke up and I read before I did anything else. With a few exception such as family vacations where I read during the day I have been reading early in the morning when I am free of responsibility or distractions. I also make sure I don’t do anything before I read that way if my kids wake up early I haven’t spent that time getting dressed or whatever before reading. I can get dressed while they are awake and with me, it’s more difficult o read when they are talking to me and needing me.

Also, I should add a number 4. I prayed and asked God to keep me faithful and I believe He did help me. We can do nothing without God including establishing habits of spending time in His Word.

I hope that encourages you to get into your Bible or to keep being faithful! I hope to finish the New Testament by the end of the year.

Oh and one more thing! I had written previously about my upcoming A1C (a measure of average blood sugar) and shared my goal of getting it down to 5.5 before the end of 2017. My first A1c of this year was 5.6 (pretty close!) then 5.8 and this past week it was 5.9. My next A1c will be done in January 2018. I didn’t meet the goal I had set for myself- but that 5.6 was pretty close and I really need to tell myself good job! An insulin dependent diabetic maintaing an a1c in the 5’s for a year without very many lows and without an insulin pump (using old school syringes) is quite a feat! I can be hard on myself and I can be a perfectionist but if it was anyone else I would say, “I’m proud of you!” So, I’m happy with myself and I believe I worked as hard as I could to be healthy this year and really did my best. At my diabetes appointment this past week my doctor (with a south african accent) said, “I’m really quite pleased with these numbers.” He’s not very expressive so it was his way of saying, “This is awesome!”

Share with me in the comments- what helps you to be faithful to reading scripture on a daily basis? Have you read the Bible through? If not, do you have a plan to get started? What other goals are you working on right now?




Where I disappeared to and what I’m working on

I kind of disappeared didn’t I? Life has been good here in Snow land. My husband usually works rotating shift work but for the last month he’s been on a job assignment where he is working typically five eight hour days. It’s been like a dream really as I’ve gotten to live the schedule I’ve dreamed about having. I’ve pretty much totally disconnected from technology and have been soaking up this precious time that’s going to end soon when his schedule changes again. It’s been amazing to experience family dinners every night and dad helping put the kids to bed and Saturday fun days and church together on Sunday. Going to bed together and waking up at the same time makes me really happy! Anyways, I’m not complaining about his job, just really, really enjoying this reprieve. And he is too!

Life has been super full, in a good way! I am full on homeschooling E for PreK using the Mother Goose Time curriculum. We’ve joined our towns homeschool co-op and have really been enjoying the support and opportunities that that offers us. I snuck this photo of E with my iPhone while she was getting her photo done for the co-op year book. Isn’t she adorable!?

We’ve added into our routine 2 new programs that the library has started, a toddler story time geared to kids T.J’s age and a 1,000 books before kindergarten program. (Not as hard as it sounds.) Yesterday we stopped by our homeschool co-ops library and took a look around and checked out a couple preschool phonic videos.

Right now the weather is starting to cool down and I’m loving it! It’s still getting up to 90 or so in the middle of the day but in the morning and evening ti feels delicious out! It’s getting close to fall! I’ve been bringing the kids to a different park probably 3-5 times a week either in the morning or evening to try and soak up every moment of my favorite time of year. The cool air makes me happy!

Friday we are planning on going to the local fair with our homeschool co-op. It will really feel like fall has begun then!

The reason I got on here today is because I’ve been thinking about my different New Years resolutions I made for this year and posted on this blog. One of my goals was to get my A1C (a measurement of blood glucose average), down to 5.5. My first A1C of the year was 5.6, then 5.8 and now I’m guessing it’s significantly higher. I really need to get a grip on my blood sugar and get healthy gain. Mu numbers have been running way too high and I feel it. I’m still doing the low carb/ ketogenic diet but I haven’t been counting my carbohydrates or protein and I have not been eating similar meals at the same time which all are things that contribute to balanced blood sugar. I’ve mostly been making myself a meal, looking at it and guessing how much carbs and protein is it in and then estimating how much insulin to take. Not a great way to go about it. I’ve been busy though and what mom has time to stand in the kitchen measuring and weighing every piece of her food!? I know some people do a great job at it but the reality is I don’t want to make time for that. I don’t want to cut back on anything else in my life to take time for that but my health is suffering for it.

I have a plan though and that’s what I wanted to share with you! I made a meal plan of 3 different meals and went to Kroger and stocked up on ingredients. I came home and spent an exhausting afternoon cooking myself about a month’s worth of meals and carefully measuring everything out and writing down how much insulin to take for each meal. That way all I will have to do is get it out and take the pre determined amount of insulin for it. I’m hoping this is going to help me.


I have 3 1/2 more months to get my A1C down to 5.5 and meet my goal for the year. 30 days from now- October 13th, I’m going to buy myself a home a1c test from Wal-Mart and see if after putting in 30 days of hard and consistent work if I can get that 5.5. Stay tuned and cheer me on!

Last night I ate my bowl of soup, salad and low carb biscuit. Overnight my blood sugar rose to 250 by morning. (That’s almost 170 points higher than my goal blood sugar.) With that information instead of taking 5 units of insulin for dinner I will take 6 units of insulin for dinner and since I did a lot of that rising (according to my continuous glucose monitor) towards morning, I’ll raise my long lasting insulin by 2 units. That’s how insulin adjustments go. It’s not an exact science, just trial and error but consistent meals will take out some of the variables.

I do realize that things will come up that will cause me to have to guess at meals. T mentioned going on a date and going out to eat before he goes back on his other schedule. I can’t turn that down! 🙂 I’ll get a salad and do my best to dose insulin but it is what it is. (Unless we have a picnic date.. that’s a possibility!) Also, I haven’t decided yet about lunch for Sunday when our church shares a potluck meal. I may just enjoy whatever low carb option I bring or someone else brings without worrying about perfect blood sugar that afternoon. Although, I have noticed that Sunday’s can particularly exhausting not only because it’s a long day but different foods do cause some roller coaster blood sugars. I may have to decide that one come Sunday. One different meal a week especially if I keep it low carb won’t ruin my average blood sugar overall.

Put your goals (big or small!) that you’re working towards in the comments and we’ll encourage each other and keep each other accountable!

Reviewing my personal 2017 goals

I think March might be the month that New Year resolutions start to be forgotten. I’m not basing that off of anything that’s just my guess.

My new year resolutions/ things I wanted to work on this year were:

For my health- bring my A1C down from 5.9 to 5.5
pass out gospel tracts
memorize scripture
read the Bible through chronologically
1. I had my first A1C (a measure of average blood sugar over a 3 month time) of 2017 done this year and it was 5.6. My hard work is paying off and I hope to see that 5.5 three months from now.
2. I ordered some of Ray Comfort’s ‘Why Christianity?’ tracts/ booklets and God has been helping me to pass them out. I need to still be really diligent about this and not let it stop as the year progresses. Every single tract is difficult for me to pass out and I have to ask God for help with every single one. It still makes me nervous to ask someone, “can I give you one of these?”
3. My specific goal that I set is to memorize the first 3 1/2 chapters of Colossians. I’m on Chapter 2 verse 10. Progress has been slow but I am making progress. I need to start calling my friend again who we had decided to keep each other accountable and recite the scriptures we are working on to each other once during the week. We are both very busy moms and it has proven more difficult than we thought to find the time and a time that works for both of us.
4. This is a goal I started a little later in the year, towards the end of January so I may not actually finish until the beginning of 2018. I read the beginning of Genesis, then Job, then completed Genesis and Exodus and now I am in Leviticus. I’ve worked hard and was able to keep this up even while on vacation.

What goals did you set at the beginning of the year and are you meeting them?

Observing God’s hand through 11 years with type 1 diabetes

The cover photo is about a month of shots.

Before I begin, I want to start with a disclaimer. When talking about diabetes I usually am very positive. I talk about how thankful I am for the discovery of insulin and for the health I enjoy. I don’t won’t to scare my family and friends. The gravity of this disease for the most part is something I shoulder alone. In this piece though, I am going to be brutally honest about how dangerous type 1 diabetes can be and honest about the sobering fact that in spite of the utmost diligent this disease does claim lives every day. I’m also going to be honest about how much effort it takes to stay alive and healthy every day. I strive to be somewhat discreet about diabetes management because it is not what I want to be defined by but at the same time I want to be real here.

I also want to acknowledge that I know type 1 diabetes is not as bad as it gets in a world of suffering. I realize that there are so many  people suffering so much more than I who if they could would change their diagnoses to the life that I live. I don’t want this to sound like I feel like I’m the poster girl for sickness and or come across as, “woe is me!” This is my story and what God is working in me. I pray it is edifying to you.

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination” C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

This month marks 11 years since I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I want to write a testimony of how I see God working in and through my disease but it has been harder to write this than I thought it would be. For one, the big answer to my question is, “I don’t know.” God is so much bigger, infinitely wiser and His perspective so much broader than my own limited knowledge that I can not act like I know what God is doing through my disease. It’s also difficult for me to separate one area of suffering from the other sufferings in my life and try to pick apart what this one thing is doing for my sanctification when we know that God works all things together for our good. My disease does not stand alone in my life but is interwoven with the the other blessings and sufferings I have experienced to work something that only God can see. Also, I realize that I can only see who I am with this disease. I do not know who I would be with out it. My spirit is undoubtably changed in ways that I don’t know and can’t know for having this disease that I’ll only know about if God chooses to reveal it to me in eternity.

I have been given the scripture though that gives me insight and the Holy Spirit Who has been with me every step of this journey. So, in spite of my not knowing everything, there are a few things that God has taught me over the last decade plus of living without the function of a vital organ that I will in humility, knowing I don’t have all the answers attempt to share with you. These are some of the things I have wrestled long and hard with.

I have learned that my flesh does not desire calvary. My lips sing, “lead me to calvary” and “Jesus keep me near the cross” but my flesh which craves comfort does not want to go. My disease like the thousands of needles I’ve put into my flesh, pokes and prods me towards the cross and makes me to say, “Where else can I go?”

“For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

“ ‘Knock and it shall be opened.’ But does knocking mean hammering and kicking the door like a maniac?” C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed

3,650 times and more I besought the Lord for healing. I’m basing that number off of the first ten years I lived with type 1 diabetes when I prayed for healing every day. God has answered me. He has answered no, not in this life. Some are uncomfortable with me saying that. The modern church wants a God who dispenses comfort over holiness and health over sanctification. A name it claim it gospel where God will give me whatever I demand. Joni Eareckson Tada says something that I have grabbed on to in my spirit through out suffering in my life, “God permits what He hates to accomplish what He loves.” As you know that’s an enormous subject that I’ll let people smarter than me grapple through but it’s something that I have wrestled with intensely through prayer and studying the scripture.

Through type 1 diabetes God has given me a spirit of contentment. By the power of Jesus I am content when God has said, ‘no.’

What does it mean to have God’s grace be sufficient to me? This disease is like a prison made of cement infused with iron bars. I can slam my head against the wall of this prison until I’m knocked silly but I’m not getting out. God’s grace is when I walk in the freedom of Christ in spite of this prison and reckon my entire body dead (not just my pancreas!) with Christ but alive unto God. God’s grace is that He is with me in this body, literally indwelling me. God’s grace is the eternal mind set He gives me and the hunger I have for the world made new. I want it so bad it physically hurts- to hear the trumpet sound and see my Lord return to make everything new and right.

‘God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God’ Steven Curtis Chapman God is God

This disease strips me of pride, self sufficiency and replaces it with humility, as in humiliation. I can not stay alive except for a life support called insulin. I could die if I left the house without candy. How stupid does that feel? To live in the shadow of death walking the tight rope of, not too much insulin, not too little insulin. To log into Facebook and see another ‘diabetes friend’  has died or suffered severe brain damage makes me view my life for the vapor that it is.

At night especially I wrestle with this, my own mortality. I prick my finger several times to try and see which direction my blood sugar is headed and then toss and turn until my spirit surrenders my life into God’s hand knowing that, “it is only the Lord who makes me to dwell in safety” and while I do what I can to stay healthy ultimately my life is in His hand and my last breath as well.

“I once read the sentence ‘I lay awake all night with a toothache, thinking about the toothache an about lying awake.’ That’s true to life. Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery’s shadow or reflection: the fact that you don’t merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.” C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed

Titus 2:12 “Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and wordily lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;”

I never really was a “teenager” if you know what I mean. At 13 I became scary sick and was faced with my own mortality and the fragileness of my own life in ways that people usually don’t consider on a daily basis until they are much older. I think having this disease at a young age came with a big spoonful of sobriety shoved down my throat whether I wanted it at the time or not. I had to and have to think about death daily because this complicated disease requires so much work to stay alive.

Psalm 56:3 “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”

If I had nothing to fear in this life, how would I learn to trust God when I am afraid?

Colossians 6:20 “For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

I know whether a persons body is sick or healthy it is to be used for the glory of God. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor. 12:19

So I give thanks to God for my weakness for without it I would not know His power upon me in the same way. I also surrender my body to Jesus to be used for the glory of God because this body is His- not mine. The key to being content in sickness is realizing that this body does not belong to me. Christ paid for it. It belongs to Him and He can use it as He sees fit. I may prefer He use it in a more comfortable way, I would choose to have health and comfort but the God who loves me, gave Himself for me and is infinitely wiser than me has given me the honor and the privilege of glorifying His name through what appears to men (including myself) as weakness and foolishness.

“But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things that are might;” 1 Cor. 1:27

Philipians 4:13- “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

I want to stop here and say something really obvious- I’m not super Christian. As I am writing this I experienced a really hard diabetes day. While on vacation at the Lodge in Kansas City I was low for about 2 hours. I carefully took just a few bites of food about every 15 minutes trying to avoid going too high from treating the low. I was doing an activity with my kids, my blood sugar stuck in the 60’s, trying to give my kids a good time while feeling shaky, sweaty and faint. Finally by bedtime I had come up to the 80’s and could safely go to sleep. Around 2 a.m I hear, “mama, I need a blankie..” I open my eyes and was hit with a wave of nauseous and the feeling that my bones hurt. (the only way I know to describe the feeling.) I knew I was high. I tucked in my little one and then gathered my blood sugar meter, a syringe and a bottle of insulin and went into the hotel bathroom area so as not to wake up my family. My blood sugar was 296. I drew up insulin in a not so sanitary area and then added another bruise to all the other bruises on my thighs with the needle. There are other things I’d rather be doing at 2 a.m. I then had to go to bed hoping I had chosen the right amount of insulin and that I wouldn’t bottom out by morning.

I didn’t sleep well the rest of the night, my heart racing from the high blood sugar. It took most that next day to come down. I was dehydrated and my muscles hurt. By late that next afternoon when we stopped for lunch at McDonald’s my blood sugar was starting to drop low. I thought I could get a salad with grilled chicken but the ranch dressing had 13 grams of carbohydrate in the form of corn syrup. I thought instead of the corn syrup I would get a piece of grilled chicken on a bun for the same amount of carbs. Bread doesn’t usually work for me but I thought I could get away with it since I was low, had active insulin in my blood stream and was going to take more. I injected twice the amount of insulin I usually take for lunch. By the time we got home my blood sugar was back up to 300. Another injection and pushing throughout the nausea and exhaustion to get the kids settled and everything unpacked.

For dinner we thawed out some hamburger vegetable soup. I stirred around the hamburger in the bowl trying to guess how many ounces it was floating around and how much protein I would have to bolus for and tried to count the vegetables.. would I want a tablespoon of peanut butter for dessert or would I want two table spoons? I have to know 30 minutes in advance how much I will want to eat… How long is this correction bolus going to be active for? Will I go low in my sleep if I eat and stack the insulin? Do you know what I did? I went in the bathroom, sat on the edge of the tub and cried. For one, high blood sugar will turn you into a hopeless emotional basket case. For two, I was just so tired. I still get tired of this disease, I still want to give up at times. And yes, at midnight my Dexcom alarmed me that I was low and I had to get out of bed and I ate less than half a fig newton. And then a couple hours later I got an alarm that I was high…

I believe that if God has called me to walk in sickness rather than health that ‘day by day and with each passing moment’ strength I will find to meet my trials here. God is using this disease to work in my spirit a back bone of self control, long suffering and patience.

Self control. Every day all day I have to deny my flesh if I am to keep my flesh healthy. My fingers are pricked, syringes stuck all over me, I adhere to a very strict diet. No grains, no starches, no fruit, no sugar, no milk. I have to do a lot of math for each meal to figure out insulin dosages. I  usually can’t eat within 5 hours of taking a shot to avoid something called stacking insulin. When I’d rather be sleeping I have to stay awake to make sure I’m going to be okay. And the list goes on of ways I have to say no to this body every day and tell it to do things it doesn’t want to do. In denying my flesh, (for the good of my flesh) my spirit is made stronger.

long suffering– this disease isn’t going away. There is no cure on the horizon. As long as I am in this body, diabetes will be a part of my life

patience– I’m waiting. I don’t know how long I will live. When I was diagnosed I was given a life expectancy of 50 years old but I suspect because I care for myself better than average I will out live that. I’m waiting though. With the rest of creation I am awaiting a new body and for everything to be made new.

joyfulness- I bet this one looks out of place! Colossians 1:10-11 “That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;” One of the miracles that God works in the heart of those who trust Him, is the dispensation of His joy amidst trials. The evidence of His glorious power in me is patience and long-suffering that is coupled with, filled with, joy! The power of God enables me to take my mind off me and instead set it on things above. To renew my heart in Him so that I’m rejoicing in Him, and savoring the life He has given instead of wallowing in self pity or despair.

I want so much more than a new pancreas I want a new heart. A heart that is not full of sin. I want to be free not just from disease but from the root of disease- sin. I’m patiently waiting for that new heart that always loves God first and for that new pancreas that’s going to allow me to enjoy the fruits of the new earth. At the marriage feast of the Lamb you’ll want to be sitting next to me- you’ve never seen a person enjoy food like I will! The other saints will be looking at the streets of gold and I’ll be like, “Look people, I’m eating watermelon!!!”

Discernment– When I was first diagnosed with diabetes at 13 my family was attending a charismatic church. I was anointed with a lot of oil. I was told that God promises a lot of things that when I read the Bible for myself I learned were simply not in scripture.
Over the years I was told to stop taking insulin as an act of faith, or that the book of James guarantees healing for all believers so I was going to be healed if I was really a believer and many things like that.
Friends who were into alternative medicine would continually suggest I do another crazy diet or fast for 40 days or drink/ eat whatever the latest popular thing was. I wish you could hear the ways people would use my disease to try and sell me whatever pyramid scheme product they were selling.
Can you imagine how appealing anything could sound to a desperate to be cured teenager being bombarded by all this? I’m thankful that I haven’t had to walk this journey without the guide of God’s Spirit telling me what was right and I’m thankful for the Bible where I could look for myself and see what was true about God and what were people’s inventions.

John 16:32 “Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: but I am not alone, because the Father is with me.”

These words of Jesus stuck out to me for the first time after hearing Joni Eareckson Tada sing “Alone Yet Not Alone” for the movie by the same title. I wonder what the disciples response was to Jesus telling them He was going to die and they were going to forsake Him? I wonder if they even responded at all. Maybe a response is recorded in another gospel but I don’t see a response in John. Either way, there’s a point I’m getting at. Even the most sympathetic person can only walk so far with me into my suffering. There is an element to suffering that I have to walk it alone and even those closest to me can’t come with me. It’s lonely. Sometimes the biggest burden of diabetes and suffering in general is how lonely it can be. Knowing people for the most part can’t begin to comprehend the complexity of this disease and also knowing that those who do educate themselves still can’t walk this with me. Diabetes and again suffering in general is a kind of a spiritual cross roads where I leave the world behind and have to walk this alone. Except I’m not alone, for the Father is with me. He walks this lonely path with me and He reminds me He too experienced loneliness. It’s a place where I call on the friend who sticks closer than a brother for it is only Him who knows intimately what I do each day and how hard I work, and what I’m thinking. Suffering is a place of intimacy with God because ultimately only God can be there with me. It’s a sphere that crowds out all others and leaves me alone with Him Who created me for Himself.

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

Steven Curtis Chapman – God Is God Lyrics



Once a year we bring our children to get their blood tested with  trial net.  Type 1 diabetes is unfortunately a genetic disease and while I hate getting my kids poked with needles, getting them tested once a year for the auto antibodies that cause type 1 diabetes is the best way to keep a check on their health and their blood is donated to research to help find a cure. This will be E’s second time getting tested and T.J’s first. Praise the Lord, last year E tested negative for all 5 autoantibodies. We’ll get them tested today and hear back about the results in 6 weeks or so.

If they were to test positive for any of the antibodies we then would learn about the different studies being done to see if there is any way to prevent the disease and then make a decision if we wanted to get involved.

We may visit the zoo afterwards so hopefully that will make it up to the kids for getting poked 😦

I wanted to share this because when E was a baby I asked every doctor I came in contact with about auto antibody testing and they all told me such a thing does not exist. I knew that couldn’t be true! Even doctors at the children’s hospital where trial net is located didn’t know that it existed in the hospital they were working at! They all told me essentially, “we can test blood sugar but no one tests for auto antibodies.”

I searched and asked around and spent a lot of time on line before I was told about trial net by a friend of a friend when I inquired on Facebook for help in my search.

I called the trial net testing facility in Florida who told me we had a facility right in Little Rock!

If you or one of your children have diabetes and are looking to get tested there is ether one in your area or you send blood throughout the mail using your local lab. I put a link up above.

Imaginations of Heaven

“Because when I get to heaven, the first face that shall ever gladden my sight will be that of my Savior.”
Quote by Fanny Crosby

I’ve often spent time imaging what it will be like to live in my resurrected body. I live in  a body that does not produce insulin and because of it every day I look forward to life on the new earth. It’s one of the blessings that has come out of my suffering.

When I read the above quote the other morning by blind hymn writer Fanny Crosby I started writing in my journal imagining the joy of being free from a cursed body and living in a resurrected one.

Here’s some of my imaginations..

I rejoice for the first time I will eat without counting carbs or injecting insulin or doing finger sticks (since childhood), I will be with Jesus! I’ll be laughing as juice from a fruit I’e never seen drips down my chin. Jesus laughs at my eagerness to try the sweet fruit. I meet His eyes with mine and laugh back full of joy, reaching for a napkin to wipe off the juice now dripping down my arm. As I reach for it I see again His scarred hands and my throat tightens. Unable to take another bite, I stand up out of my chair and fall to my knees in weeping worship. “Your mercy Jesus is more than I deserve! Thank You!” I say ashamed of my sin that gave Jesus those scars. How could I have offended One so good, so kind? How could He be so patient, so willing to forgive? I look up again at the radiance of His holy face and I am once again filled with joy unspeakable as I move from kneeling to dancing. I motion to my brothers and sisters to join me as the music of angels starts back up again. I never could dance on the old earth and I still can’t but no one seems to mind here. Holy! Holy! Holy! we shout echoing the angels in worship. Jesus joins in dancing and celebrating with us.

Happy and in need of a breath I sit down as the celebration around me continues. My son Titus feeds me a grape. I stroke his cheek, untold emotion rising up in me. Once again I whisper “thank You” to the Father for not sparing His Son so I can have a new life with mine for eternity. And once again, I drop to my knees. I must worship forever my King, this Heavenly Father who gives so bountifully to His children.

about the featured image: After Titus died I couldn’t bear to leave his nursery empty so T and I filled it with toys for our nieces and nephews and made it a playroom in memory of Titus. We were blessed 2 years later to use the room once again as nursery, this time for a little girl. When I went looking through my photos for an appropriate cover photo I saw this picture and thought it would be fitting for a post about longing for heaven.


Diabetes and God’s Power

Yesterday was diabetes awareness day. It would have been the 125th birthday of Frederick Banting, the man who discovered insulin. On my Facebook page I changed my profile picture to jdrf’s “type 1 diabetes look’s like me” slogan and I shared a few facts about diabetes. I want to take a moment here to share another side of living life with a chronic disease. As I shared before I’m reading through Randy Alcorn’s book, If God is Good Faith in the Midst of Suffering and Evil.

I wanted to share what he wrote on page’s 172-173 about his life as an insulin dependent diabetic. He first quotes 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 then goes on to say,

   “As a teenager who had just come to faith in Christ, I read this passage with perplexed interest. I believed it because it was God’s Word- but it made little sense to me. Now, forty years later, it makes a great deal of sense. As an insulin dependent diabetic I have lain helpless, stiff as a board, not in my right mind, needing my wife to get sugar in my mouth. My once-strong body grows weak. Low blood sugar clouds my judgement and leaves me with a memory of having said stupid things, like a drunken man. Several times a year I have severe reactions in which I don’t know what’s happening to me.

This humbles me, but I can honestly say I am grateful for it; yes, I even delight in it, because I recognize the value of being humbled, for “when I am weak, then I am strong.” My weakness drives me to greater dependance upon Christ. I wouldn’t begin to trade the spiritual benefit’s I’ve received.

As a young pastor I loved God sincerely; but like my tavern-owner father, I was independent, self-sufficient, and prone to do things on my own. Christ’s words, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5), rang true- but I did a lot of things without drawing on his strength. So from eternity’s viewpoint, those things amounted to nothing.”



Road Tripping and Type 1 Diabetes (a few tips)

I’m getting ready for a road trip and as I packed I thought it might be helpful to share what I’ve learned over the last decade about diabetes care and road trips. Flying is a whole separate topic so maybe I’ll do a post on that sometime.

If you are pumping, at least a week before your trip take an inventory of your supplies and reorder if you are low. It takes at least 2 days to get supplies shipped out so allow for enough time.


Here’s what I’m bringing. I’ve learned to figure out how much supplies I’ll need for the trip and then bring double incase something happens. This is especially true for pump supplies. If you run out of test strips or syringes you can get those from any pharmacy but if you run out of pump stuff you’re stuck. If you’re active you’re more likely to rip out an infusion set and need to have extra’s.

Always bring a few old school syringes incase your pump malfunctions. I also use them for intramuscular injections for any blood sugar over 250.

I packed an extra sensor for my dexcom that I most likely will not use but am packing just incase. My meter is in the photo but I keep that in my purse next to me in the car not in my suit case.

The homemade “granola” in the picture is so I can have a quick low carb breakfast. I’m super insulin resistant in the morning so I try to keep breakfast around 5 or 6 carbs. It’s a mix of raw nuts and seeds that I can eat with almond milk or by itself. It’s filling and has a lot of protein. Even though I would like to eat junk food on vacation I’ve learned that if I’m high I don’t feel good and that makes it harder to have fun. High blood sugar also makes me nauseous so the car sickness is worse.

Speaking of car sickness.. when I’m car sick it helps for me to eat something sweet. Snacking on oreos would be a really bad idea though so I planned ahead and made myself some almond flour and swerve sweetened cookies that are 1 carb a piece. I’ll still have to bolus for them but they are a whole lot better than gas station snacks. I also packed myself some stevia for my starbucks 🙂

IMG_6198 The day before you go (or earlier is better) refill any prescriptions such as insulin and test strips that you’ll need. Keep in mind that on vacation you’ll need to test more than usual because of sleeping in or being active or eating at different times etc.

I’m always paranoid that I’ll forgot my insulin since it’s not something I can pack the night before since it needs to be refrigerated. I usually do this: Yep, that’s a piece of paper on the front door that says, “insulin.” Put a reminder where you will see it!

IMG_6199 I bring a lunch box with an ice pack in it to keep my insulin cool on the road.

Don’t forgot sugar to treat lows!

Also if you are not pumping I would really recommend putting some sort of mark on your long lasting insulin to help you not confuse it with your short acting insulin. It’s so much easier to make mistakes when you are outside your usual routine.

Save your doctor’s number on your phone incase of an emergency or you need an unexpected prescription written.

I think every chain restaurant out there has their nutritional information on their website so if you have a smart phone you’re all set. If not, most places have that information that they can give you.

The only other thing I can think of is be prepared that you may need to set a higher temp basal if you are usually active. My blood sugar will run a lot higher sitting in the car all day than working around the house.

Make sure and drink plenty of water if you are high, dehydration doesn’t feel good!

Let me know if this was helpful and if there is anything else I can add to this list!