Grandma’s Tea Party Baby Shower

Last night I had over all my beautiful nieces and their mama’s and their Grandma for a tea party. My sister in law Jessica is expecting Aysling Grace any day now! Isn’t she the most stunning pregnant lady!?

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My mother in law started a really fun tradition of the girls in the family getting together for tea parties. We dress up, eat and play games. In the past she has picked some pretty fun themes including an 80’s tea party, a 70’s tea party and a pioneer/ indian tea party. IMG_6303

I decided to combine both a tea party and a little celebration of the newest girl in the family on the way! I made the theme, “A baby is brewing” and sent out invitations addressed to the ladies of each household.

Grandma with all her granddaughters!

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I set the table with what I had even using just a blanket for one of the table cloths. I bought some paper dollies to dress it up and pulled it together with pink carnations. Nothing pinterest worthy but to the little girls I’m sure it looked fancy.

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The menu was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and egg salad sandwiches served on soft white bread cut into triangles to make them look fancy. I set out tea bags, sugar, lemon and cream on the tables. For sides I served crackers and dip, turkey and cheese rolls on tortillas, fruit parfaits with strawberry yogurt for some extra pink and white powdered donuts.

 

 

I wanted to take the opportunity to teach E a few table manners so under several of the plates I placed a strip of paper that I had written a different table manner on. I told the guests that if they found a manner under their plate it was their job to teach the girls at their table about it.

I googled “women of the Bible trivia” and came up with a list of 20 “who am I?” questions that I asked. I just went around the tables and asked each guest the next question changing it if it was a younger girl and it needed to be more age appropriate. The guest could either answer the question or say “reference” and I told them where in the Bible to find the answer. I had put a Bible on each table for that purpose.

The only baby shower activity I did was to have everyone write something either funny or encouraging on an itty bitty newborn diaper for the mama to be. We’ve had so many baby showers over the years it’s hard to come up with an activity that hasn’t already been done!

We took pictures of each of the mom’s with their daughters.

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E had so much fun getting ready and I felt bad for her that she had to wait all the way to 6:00 in the evening! I tried to make the whole day special by announcing “happy tea party day!” when she woke up and then doing little things with her to keep her involved in the getting ready process through out the day. I surprised her with new nail polish, she helped set the name cards out and she put the flowers in the jars after I cut them. I had bought her granola bars that had sesame street characters on the box and called it a special tea party day breakfast. She loved it!

Hope you enjoyed seeing the pictures. How do you celebrate new babies or make special memories with the children in your family?

 

 

4 years ago today. Pregnancy and parenting after a loss

4 years ago today I got a positive pregnancy test.

I called my mother in law, it was her birthday. “Happy Birthday,” I told her. “How about for your birthday we give you another grand baby?”

It had been a year and almost 3 months since the birth and loss of my first born.

I still can remember how bad I was shaking that morning, how scared and vulnerable I was. How much I desperately loved this new life and missed my firstborn.

That morning I went into the pregnancy resource clinic I volunteered at and after all the other staff and volunteers had brought up their prayer requests I announces by asking for prayer for my poppy seed sized baby.

I was in such a daze that whole day, on the way home I ran a red light.

That high risk pregnancy after a loss was hard to say the least.

The days, the hours even of that pregnancy dragged on. When she wasn’t moving I was afraid she was dead. When she was moving I was afraid she would strangle herself with her chord.

I survived that pregnancy mentally by taking it one day at a time. I worked hard to control my blood sugar for that day, for that meal to keep my baby healthy. I couldn’t look ahead in my mind to a baby, I was too afraid. Instead I looked forward to pregnancy milestones; movement, sonograms, setting up the nursery, buying clothes, doing a gender reveal.

I also kept myself really busy. I volunteered as much as I could at the pregnancy resource clinic doing my best to help other people which helped the days go by and keep my mind off my own fears.

I talked to people on line in a group for women who were pregnant after a loss. I reached out online to moms who had lost babies the same way I had.

It was a time of surrendering continually to God as every day I had to acknowledge that this child belonged to Him and I had to surrender this child every day to Him.

I wrote Amy from raisingarrows.net as part of her Ask Amy and she wrote this post in response:

 

“Ask Amy – Fear and the Healing Process After the Loss of a Child
FEBRUARY 9, 2013

healing after child loss

It seemed appropriate on the eve of the 5 year anniversary of our daughter’s Home-going that I should answer this particular question.

Two readers submitted questions that, while not entirely similar, were of the same topic…life after the loss of a child.

One reader had lost a child at 7 months (the same age our Emmy was) and wanted to know what we had done to heal from her loss. The other reader lost a son due to complications of childbirth and was pregnant again and wondering how to deal with the fear she was feeling.

For me, the fear was one of the most ongoing things I needed to heal from. In fact, it continues to be something I must give to the Lord over and over again. Just this past week, I sat up late into the night praying through my fears as I held my newborn son. I know I will never fully conquer this fear this side of Heaven, but I do know God is big enough to handle those fears and walk me through them.

The past 5 years have been wrought with ups and downs in the grieving process. Here are a few of the things we have done to help us heal and gain victory over our fears.

*Write, write, write. On my Grieving Mother page, I have a lot of links to articles I have written, many of them typed out through tears. I grieved through my writing and I encourage every grieving mother to do the same. It doesn’t have to be a public blog. It can be a quiet journal tucked away by your bedside. Mothers need a place to write their deepest thoughts and feelings without judgement.

*Cling to the Lord and each other. I wrote Psalms for the Grieving Heart because I knew grieving families needed to cling to the Lord during their grief, but they more than likely couldn’t handle lengthy Bible studies and/or devotionals. Music was very important in our healing as well. Songs like Blessed Be Your Name and Be Unto Your Name brought us to tears, but helped us praise the Lord in the middle of it all.

We also grew as a family. We never hesitated to speak of Emily. Even our children who were not born when she passed away know of her and speak as if they remember her. And Ty and I clung to each other. We often found that when one of us was weak, the other was strong.

*Grieve how you need to grieve and say what you need to say, but do it in a safe place. My husband and a select group of friends are my safe place. I know I can say anything to them. I know I can grieve and they will listen and hug me and pray for me. Unfortunately, those who grieve often hear rather thoughtless words spoken to them that can cut like a knife. Don’t open up to those kind of people. Even if they do not mean to hurt you, it is best to only grieve openly with those who understand.

*Don’t do anything hastily, but do keep working through those difficult things. It took me several weeks to take Emily’s clothes out of the closet and put them in a box. It took me 2 years to finally go through them all and tidy them up. There are still places we do not go and things we do not do. We’re just not ready.

There came a time when we felt ready to go back to the city where Emily died. It was hard. We cried. A lot. But, we did it. And sometimes I have been ready to take a step forward before my husband, but I have chosen to wait until he is ready. We do this together even though we heal differently. I have to respect his difficult things just as he has to respect the things that are more difficult for me.

*Focus on serving others. Once the brunt of the storm is passed, it is so very important we begin to serve others with the same comfort and love we were shown. I have sadly watched women cling to their grief as a security blanket, never letting go and reaching out to others. It is okay to find joy. It is okay to live again. It is okay to heal.

I’m not going to lie to you and say that I never cry and I never miss Emily and I never feel like my heart is going to break in two. When you’ve lost a child, there’s never an end to your grief. But, I can attest to the fact that with the Lord’s infinite mercy, you can heal. Ask Him to fight the fears for you. Ask Him to steady your feet on this path. Ask Him to show you what He wants for you.

And thank you, my dear readers. for allowing me to share my precious daughter with you. It is my hope and prayer that her life and her death and how her daddy and I have walked through it all has glorified the Lord and encouraged others along the way. She was such a blessing to us and we will never be the same because of her.”

My water broke 6 hours before her planned c-section. Her delivery was rough as the medical staff denied me insulin and I went into ketoacidosis. Her blood sugar was so critically low she was dying in my arms as I begged for a sugar IV for her and finally the pediatrician showed up late yelling, “Get an IV in that baby!”

There was a lot of joy and a lot of healing in her birth and she gave me a reason to live again. The grief was more intense than we ever could have imagined though. Every one of her milestones was and is a continually reminder of all we lost with her brother. Raising a child after a loss is a continual paradigm of so many conflicting emotions.

Today she is 3. She is daring and passionate and likes pancakes and going to the park. In those rare moments when she is still, I feel her in my arms, listen to her breathing and smell her sweaty hair. I thank God in absolute amazement and awe at the fact that she is here and healthy. I trace my fingers up and down her arms as she begs for more tickles and can not believe that she is really mine. At the same time I still have to acknowledge every day that ultimately she is not mine and that she first belongs to God and is in His hands.

I also now have the privilege of spoon feeding mushy stuff to the 9 month old next to me as I type this out.

If you are pregnant after a loss, I’m so sorry for all you have been through. I pray God comforts you and gives you peace. Remember, God promises grace for today and for the moment and tells us not to worry about tomorrow. Take a deep breath and take some belly photos celebrating today and now.

Steven Curtis’ song Miracle Of The Moment was my mantra in my first pregnancy after my loss.

Its time for letting go
All of our if onlys
Cause we dont have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?

Cause we are who and where
And what we are for now
And this is the only moment
We can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
Theres a wonder in the here and now
Its right there in front of you
I dont want you to miss the miracle of the moment

Theres only one who knows
Whats really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be

And all we need to know
Is Hes out there waiting
To Him the futures history

And He has given us
A treasure called right now
And this is the only moment
We can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
Theres a wonder in the here and now
Its right there in front of you
I dont want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat, yeah

Breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
Theres a wonder in the here and now
Its right there in front of you
I dont want you to miss the miracle of the moment

Breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
Theres a wonder in the here and now
Its right there in front of you
I dont want you to miss the miracle of the moment

 

 

Day In The Life Of Me- Daddy’s Night Off Edition and Celebrating Fall

 

Looking back at this post more than a month later, I realize TJ was born 2 days later! My body really was getting ready for labor!

 

This is the last one I’m going to do of these and I thought it would be fun to record our favorite time of the week- T’s night off!

On this shift T and I have polar opposite schedules. I woke up early to have enough time to get dressed and tidy up the master bedroom and bathroom before T got home. About the time he got home E woke up. We all spent a few minutes together and I got to hear about T’s night before he went to sleep and I started my day with E.

Tonight T is off work so we have some fun stuff planned for this afternoon and evening. Our plans revolve around fall fun so I started off the day by making E a breakfast of pumpkin pie spice french toast and chocolate milk. Mmm.. After she ate I set her up with crayons so I could eat my eggs and toast. E then watched a baby Einstein video while I washed dishes and started some laundry.

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It was a beautiful fall morning and I loved the cozy feeling of opening up the windows to let the crisp air in and lighting some fall scented candles.

I e-mailed my endocrinologist my blood sugars from the past week and then headed outside with E to try and burn some energy off her.

Once we came in my back was hurting really bad (carrying a big boy here!). I brought E up to her school room and set out play dough and educational toys and she played while I rested on the couch. She made me lots of make believe food for me to pretend taste! I used this time to do some kick counts. Baby boy was moving around fine! Once the pain in my back calmed down enough to get up I worked on the laundry and we had lunch.

We usually go to music class on Tuesdays but since T is off tonight I stayed home to put E down for an early nap so she would be rested enough for us to go out this afternoon.

I rested some and worked on meal planning and making a grocery list while E and T slept. They both woke up around 2 and we headed out to a farm about 45 minutes from us that has a beautiful apple orchard and pumpkin patch.

Yesterday we had dropped off our car to get professionally cleaned before the baby is born. A splurge but so so nice to have done! We had to go pick it up and pay for it since the place was getting ready to closed so we picked up the car and left the truck there to pick up after our pumpkin patch trip.

We brought E to this same farm last year and it was so neat to compare how much she had grown over the last year. I brought my camera and took lots of pictures. We were late on picking apples as the few remaining on the trees were rotten so we bought some apples they had picked earlier and picked out some pumpkins. I got really hot (it’s still as hot as 85-90 degrees here in the after noons even though its October.) I started having contractions frequent and increasingly intense.

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After leaving the farm we went out for dinner at a Mexican place. I wasn’t able to eat much because of the growing intensity of the contractions. On the way home we were timing the contractions and trying to figure out if this was real labor or a false alarm. We got home and did a big face palm when we realized while we were thinking about contractions we had forgotten the truck! I had concluded by this point that this was not real labor but contractions from getting too hot and too tired. We had to go get the truck and I was okay to drive. When you live out in the country it’s not easy going all the way back to town like that! On the way home I had several contractions but they were getting farther apart and not closer together. For now it seems like baby boy is going to hang out for another night at least.

T read E books then I bathed her and got her ready for bed. T got all the rest of the baby stuff down from the attic that we were waiting until the very end of the pregnancy to get down. The bassinet, the swing and the baby tub. Brings back so many baby E memories! He also got down the fall decorations for me. I had thought we would have time to have a little fall party tonight and make some treats and decorate but there are just not enough hours in the day sometimes and E needed to go to bed and I was tired too! I’m looking forward to doing that stuff and maybe some pumpkin decorating with E tomorrow.

T put E to bed for me and I got to enjoy a hot shower! We then watched a Netflix movie that we have been trying for weeks to get a chance to watch! T’s nights off are when our opposite schedules are the hardest. It was difficult for me to stay up until 11:30 after such a long day but we also really needed to spend some time together! We’re in a crazy busy season of life right now and we have to just accept that and realize it’s not forever.

Anyways, I went to sleep and T headed off with my grocery list and did our grocery shopping for me to keep himself awake. I was very happy about that! Grocery shopping 9 months pregnant with a 2 year old has not been easy!

I’m sure they’re mundane for someone else to read but I really enjoyed writing these 3 “day in the life of” posts. They’re going to be fun for me to look back at in the future.

 

 

 

Day In The Life Of Me!

I was thinking the other day about how quickly each day seems to go by lately and how this chapter of my life is about to close and a new one is about to start. These days with it just being E and I are are shortly going to change with the birth of her brother and things will quickly become even crazier and busier than they are now! I know looking back even though I am in the thick of parenting a two year old and managing a high risk pregnancy I will miss these days.

I decided to do a little writing project for the sake of making memories. Each day is so full and going by so fast I want to take the time to record several “day in the life of” posts so one day I can look back on them and remember what our lives looked like. Even though it all may seem so mundane I know these are the best days of my life and my children may one day enjoy seeing what their day today looked like when they were little.

Today is Friday.

The day started off around quarter till 5 when I gave my husband a groggy kiss good bye and set my alarm to wake me up at 5:30 before going back to sleep.

At 5:30 I got up and enjoyed a peaceful half an hour that I spent reading my Bible, sipping my coffee and spending time with the Lord. I had just enough time to finish writing a to do list for the day before E woke up.

We snuggled a few minutes on the couch and made shadow puppets in the dark before I put on her requested episode of Little Einsteins. That gave me about 25 minutes to quickly dress, take my blood sugar and insulin and cook some breakfast for us.

After breakfast and dressing E for the day I set her up with play dough which kept her busy for almost 30 minutes as I ran around as fast as I could doing my morning chores.

After cleaning up the play dough, I had some “diabetes stuff” to take care of. I uploaded my numbers from the previous week to the computer and sent them to my endocrinologist. After I called the doctors diabetes educator’s number to let him know I had sent the doctor an email. I also had to make a phone call to the supply company I get my pump supplies from and make a reorder for the next several months. With a finger prick for my post breakfast number I was done with diabetes stuff for a couple of hours!

It was a beautiful crisp fall morning so I decided to take E to the park before I had to bring the car to get the oil changed. I packed snacks and drinks, books and toys for the outing.

We headed out about quarter till nine and had a really nice hour at the park.

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I had brought the car to get the oil changed a couple days ago at another place but they couldn’t get the oil cap off and suggested I go get it changed at this other place. I told them the situation and they told me no problem and pulled my car right in. I entertained E in the waiting room for 2 hours before they told me they were afraid they were going to break the cap. They ordered a new one and are having me come back next week and they will try again when they have another cap on hand incase they break it. Sigh..

I tried to keep E awake for the almost 20 minute ride home so she could eat some lunch before she napped. As little ones do though she fell asleep about 2 minutes from home. I laid her in her bed and used her nap time to change my infusion set on my insulin pump, eat my lunch, start this post and rest my tired 8 month pregnant body! 🙂

After her nap and some lunch I finished up preschool at home with E.

With it being Friday our schoolroom was a mess so we spent 45 minutes or so getting it straitened out and ready for next week. (It may not have taken so long but I did have a little helper 🙂 )

I published this weeks homeschool post while trying to encourage E in some independent play with her baby doll and play kitchen stuff.

I was able to accomplish a list of chores that needed done and finally 5:00 rolled around when it was time to start supper.

I had been trying unsuccessfully all afternoon to get E to go on the potty (even trying to bribe her with ice-cream!) but she refused to go. Just as I was about to start supper she had such a messy accident that she had to go straight to the tub!

Half an hour later… I was able to start supper. I put an acorn squash in the oven along with butter, lemon and garlic salt coated chicken legs. I started some rice on the stove top.

With a few minutes to spare before T got home I turned the t.v on for Ella and ran to the bathroom to freshen up, change out of my dirty shirt, and throw a little makeup and some jewelry on. I snapped a quick selfie to celebrate that today I am 33 weeks pregnant!

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I came out of the bathroom to find E not in front of the T.V but in the other bathroom with her face covered with lipstick and toothpaste! How does that even happen that fast!? Somehow during this time I was able to suck down a juice box to bring up my plummeting blood sugar and get out a calculator to add up the carbs in my meal.

With the chaos under control and supper almost ready we were at the door to meet T with kisses and begin the very best part of the day.

We enjoyed a family dinner at the table and relaxed and visited after a long day apart. I didn’t do the dishes but simply stacked them in the sink and ran some water over them. The dishes will still be there tomorrow but our time together as a family is limited.

E got to have some horse play time with daddy and then I fed her a bowl of ice-cream. We all climbed into our king sized bed and daddy read E  some Tom Sawyer and then I read her a book until she got sleepy. I then was able to rock her to sleep in the glider and tuck her in her own bed.

And that was a day in the life of me! It was fun for me to sit down and write this. All these little moments pass by so fast and are quickly forgotten, I liked writing down all the little experiences I shared with E in a day.

 

 

 

Day In The Life Of: Diabetes and Pregnancy

I know before I had my first child it was hard to find examples of what life looked like with diabetes and pregnancy. There is plenty of medical literature but I wanted to hear from a real life mom who was juggling life, motherhood and diabetes and see what it actually looked like. I decided to write a post like that here in my own little corner of the internet.

Keep in mind that diabetes care looks different for everyone and I know stereotypes about what diabetes care should look like can be annoying. This is what it looks like for me today in this stage of pregnancy (31 weeks.)

I decided for the sake of sharing that as I went about my day when ever I stopped to do something diabetes or pregnancy care related I would snap a picture to give a little insight into what my everyday looks like.

IMG_3380   It’s a little after 1:00 a.m and I woke up to use the restroom. I don’t set a timer to take a night time finger prick but the more information I can gather about what my blood sugar is doing the better, so if I wake up I’ll do a finger prick.

IMG_3368 Your wake up number is one of the most important numbers of the day to get. Mine was 90 which was fine. Around 80 is normal but anything under 100 is acceptable. I wake up around 5:30am but I don’t eat breakfast until my daughter does around 7:30 to 8:00 and since my blood sugar was not high this morning I don’t take any extra insulin at this time. I am on an insulin pump (the t slim) so through that I get small amounts of insulin dripped in me around the clock (called a basal insulin) If I eat or need to correct a high number I will take a dose called a bolus.

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To cut out some of the variables that could cause fluctuating blood sugar when I am pregnant I usually eat the same thing for breakfast every day or something very similar. I am having 2 fried eggs with two pieces of Ezekiel bread (a high protein high fiber bread.) 2 slices after subtracting the dietary fiber equals 26 carbs. I take a small correction to try and lower my number of 97 to my goal of 80 and the rest is to cover the toast. For breakfast I take 1 unit of insulin for every 6 carbohydrates. For me this is quite a bit of insulin. My pre pregnancy carb to insulin ratio was 1:10 but pregnancy causes both insulin resistance and an increased need for insulin to grow a baby. I take a pre breakfast number in addition to my wake up number because although todays number was very close some days my pre breakfast number is much higher due to something called the dawn phenomenon where hormones that become active after we wake up cause insulin resistance and high blood sugar.

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I take my vitamins at this time which consist of a prenatal and extra folic acid. Extra folic acid is generally recommend to pregnant diabetics, especially those with type 1, because the fluctuating blood sugars can cause our babies to have an increased risk of neural tube defects such as spina bifida and folic acid is known to help prevent spinal cord defects. As you can see I drink water in the a.m. For all types of diabetes, 1, 2 and gestational, during pregnancy, it is usually recommended to have no fruit or milk before noon as that is when the hormones that cause insulin resistance are in full swing and it is the hardest time of the day for the insulin to work with the fast acting sugar in milk and fruit.

I set a timer to remind myself to do a finger prick 2 hours after the time I begin eating.

IMG_3378  The timer goes off and my 2 hour post breakfast number is is 193. Normal is under 130 preferably under 120 during pregnancy. I take 2.48 units of insulin as my correction factor at the moment is set at 1:25. This means that 1 unit of insulin will lower my blood sugar about 25 points. My pre pregnancy corrections factor was something like 1:60. Again, blame it on those pregnancy hormones!

IMG_3369  With type 1 diabetes you will record all your blood sugars and be in contact with your doctor as much as every 3-7 days for 9 loooong months. The needs of your body and your babies body changes rapidly. What may have worked yesterday as far as insulin requirements may not work today and things may be different tomorrow. Especially in the third trimester. Here I am using the computer program that comes with the T slim insulin pump that downloads all my information that I have entered into my pump, then puts it into pdf form that I can email to my endocrinologist.

Speaking of endocrinologists, before you get pregnant or as soon as you get pregnant you need to get one. Most OBGYN’s even the high risk ones don’t know a lot about about type 1 diabetes and would rather an endocrinologist take care of your diabetes. If you are doing shots an OBGYN may be willing to take care of your diabetes but if you are on a pump even the high risk OBGYN’s are pretty clueless. They simply don’t get trained in insulin pumps. If they do their knowledge is still limited compared to an endocrinologists.

Which brings me to this;

IMG_3375 I have four doctors overseeing my pregnancy. Four doctors that I, as the patient must make sure are all communicating and on the same page. Get a pocket calendar! As you near the third trimester the number of appointments gets insane! Non stress tests to listen to the baby’s heart will start twice weekly at 32 weeks. In my situation my doctor is about 1 1/2 hours away. He wants to do one of the NST’s per week but said another doctor in the town I live in can do the other one. It’s up to me to get these NST’s set up starting next week but I have been calling for days without getting through to scheduling. Diabetes and pregnancy consists of lots of paper work, phone calls and driving!

IMG_3385  Speaking of driving.. driving is my pump charging time! Thankfully my car has a USB outlet in it. Today while driving to and from my daughters music class I juiced it up! Others tell me they charge their pumps while they shower but other moms know showers for us last like 5 minutes so I had to find another time to charge it and this works for me!

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Lunch time! It’s sometime after 1:00 and my blood sugar is 64. Pre pregnancy this would be considered low but during pregnancy when your goal pre meal number is 70-80 then 64 isn’t really that low. I had 60 carbs; chicken noodle soup, 1 cup milk (yes i drank right out of the measuring cup!), raw veggies, a cheese stick and a granola bar. I took a little less insulin than i normally would due to the lower blood sugar and took 8.57 units of insulin.

IMG_3388  Two hours later I was a little high but didn’t take any insulin to correct because I still had some insulin on board (insulin that was still active in my body from my lunch bolus.)

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It’s dinner! Did a finger prick, my number had come down to 89 and I was going to eat 50 carbs. I took 8.33 units of insulin to cover my meal of sweet potato, hamburger patty, 1 cup milk, salad and 2 prunes and 1 tbs peanut butter for dessert. (weird I know!)

IMG_3392  Two hours later I was 76. I had a half cup of milk (6 carbs) since I only wanted to bring it up a little. By 10:00 p.m I was still in the 70’s so I had a little more milk and near midnight I was still shaking and unable to sleep so I went ahead and treated with some juice. Unfortunately I woke up the next morning with a high of 136.

So there it is! An “average day” of balancing pregnancy, diabetes and motherhood. Of course those who have been here realize there is really no such thing as an “average day.”

Anyways, I’m hoping this turns out to be helpful to someone! I know I would have been interested in a post like this when I first started having my babies.

Since this is the internet and the internet can be a weird place, I’ll post a disclaimer saying this is in no way “medical advice” just my own experience of living with diabetes

We are the Lord’s

Wednesday morning we had an appointment for a fetal echocardiogram at the high risk doctor’s office. There was no reason to think there was a problem with baby Tanner’s heart but it is routine to take an extra close look at the heart of the baby if the mother has diabetes. The part of baby Tanner’s heart that could be affected by me having diabetes was perfectly healthy but the heart doctor did catch something else. Baby Tanner was diagnosed with coarctation of the aorta. In overly simplistic terms, his aorta valve has formed with a portion of it that is to thin. Three things could happen.

1. As his heart continues to develop in the womb his heart could change shape and correct itself.

2. During the changes that occur to the heart in the 24 hours after birth the heart could heal itself.

Number three we are told is statistically the most likely event to happen.

3. The heart will not change shape and he will need life saving heart surgery within the first few days of life.

There are a lot of unknowns. I want to now the future. I want to know if my child is going to be born perfectly healthy or need heart surgery to save his life. But I can’t know. I could go bonkers worrying about a future I have no control over or I can choose to hang onto those things I do know.

And I do know some very powerful truths about my future and the future of my son.

I believe God when He says in Romans 14:8 “For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore or die, we are the Lord’s.”

I know if baby Tanners’s heart heals itself, baby Tanner is the Lord’s.

I know if he needs surgery he is the Lord’s.

Whatever scenario life brings us and God calls us to walk, we are the Lord’s.

I didn’t pick this verse because we think baby Tanner may die. This heart defect is thankfully one that is easy to fix and that babies go on to live a normal healthy life after surgery. I find comfort in this verse because I know that whatever life brings, I am the Lord’s and my children belong to him also.

I have had a child die. My first child died. But never for a moment was he not or is he not in the hand of his heavenly father.

I am blessed to have an energetic, happy healthy 2 year old. Parenting after a loss is not easy but I know Ella belongs to the Lord.

In the mundane of every day I am the Lord’s, held in His hand and kept by the power of His blood. When my life is over and my time on earth is done, I will then still be the Lord’s.

The saying has become cliche but is true, “I don’t know the future but I know the One who holds the future.”

And I know that I am His.