March 14th was E’s 4th birthday. In so many ways that is hard for me to wrap my head around! That morning I wrote her this letter that I wanted to share with you. I don’t know if I will keep it up over the years but I would love to start a tradition of writing letters to my kids on their birthdays. I use her initial on this blog rather than her name since this blog is public. I feel like it’s a tiny thing I can do for her privacy and safety.
If you are struggling right now as a mom having a hard time seeing beyond the spilled milk and diaper changes of today, try writing a letter to your child to read in the future. I promise you it will give you a shift in your perspective and make you feel all mushy toward your kids.
Rereading this letter I chuckle at how unpredictable life is with little one’s. That day T.J woke up sick so I stayed home with him while daddy took E to music class and it got so cold it snowed a little bit so no flying kites that day! Daddy did ask E’s music class to sing her happy birthday and he got a cute video of it.
Today is your fourth birthday! It is early in the morning and you are still sleeping. We had your party Saturday and we got you your first real bike. Today when you get up you get to open presents from Papa Page and Grandma Linda. Daddy plans on bringing you to the park to fly your kite and ride your bike. Today is music class at ACME with Mr. Brian. I’ll ask him if we can dance to the happy birthday song!
I’m writing this so that you can look back at it when you are older. I’m wondering about the future you. Will you be 10 when you read this? What will it be like when you are a teenager? I’m looking forward to every stage of life with you.
E, I wish you could know how you mean the world to me. My life is you and you and your brother are my life. You have given me so much.
Your smiles, your goofy laugh, to see your dimples are among the most important things in the world to me. You are my buddy. I spend more time with you than anyone else and we have fun! You are my company and right now life consists of you asking, “ ‘cause why?’ and me doing my best to answer.
You are miss personality but I’m also observing that you enjoy time alone. You are energetic, and your favorite food right now is peanut butter and jelly, milk, and fruit snacks! You tell me your favorite color is purple but you also like pink. You like mud and sand and dirt and crafts. You are very creative!
You get excited when I ask you if you want to do ‘school.’ You can spell your name! You love being read to and your daddy and I have spent countless hours reading you books.
You love your cousins and playing with them and you are working to adjust to life with a very demanding little brother. I love your sweet voice introducing him to strangers when we go out, “This is my baby brother Tanner Jr.”
E, you are brave! Your bravery and adventurous sprit amazes (and sometimes scares me!) When we went to the water park there was no water slide that you were not up for. Your attitude is, “bring it on!” I hope that spunk never leaves you.
You ask a lot of questions trying to figure out how trees grow and why people eat food but you also ask spiritual questions. You ask me why Jesus died on the cross and so far my answers don’t satisfy you. You’re grappling right now with the death of your cat and it breaks my heart to see you sad. I tell you I’m sad too because I am. I wish I could fix all the wrongs in the world for you.
I pray for your salvation. I’m looking forward to and pray for the day when you know God as your God.
Most of all E I just want to tell you how much I love you. Your birth was new life given to me. I count it as one of the greatest joys and greatest privileges to hold you close and smell your hair.
I love that we do so much together. I bring you on an outing every day that we call our ‘adventures’. I buckle you up in your car seat and sing, “We’re gonna go, go, go , go on an adventure!”
Every day I try so hard to be the best mom to you and I pray and ask God every day for help. I know I fail so often and I hope you will forgive me for all the times I fail as a mom. Know that you are my world and I love you with a depth that words could never convey. I love you now and I will love you forever. Happy birthday sweet girl, can’t wait for you to wake up so we can start our day of adventures together! I love you.