Wednesday morning we had an appointment for a fetal echocardiogram at the high risk doctor’s office. There was no reason to think there was a problem with baby Tanner’s heart but it is routine to take an extra close look at the heart of the baby if the mother has diabetes. The part of baby Tanner’s heart that could be affected by me having diabetes was perfectly healthy but the heart doctor did catch something else. Baby Tanner was diagnosed with coarctation of the aorta. In overly simplistic terms, his aorta valve has formed with a portion of it that is to thin. Three things could happen.
1. As his heart continues to develop in the womb his heart could change shape and correct itself.
2. During the changes that occur to the heart in the 24 hours after birth the heart could heal itself.
Number three we are told is statistically the most likely event to happen.
3. The heart will not change shape and he will need life saving heart surgery within the first few days of life.
There are a lot of unknowns. I want to now the future. I want to know if my child is going to be born perfectly healthy or need heart surgery to save his life. But I can’t know. I could go bonkers worrying about a future I have no control over or I can choose to hang onto those things I do know.
And I do know some very powerful truths about my future and the future of my son.
I believe God when He says in Romans 14:8 “For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore or die, we are the Lord’s.”
I know if baby Tanners’s heart heals itself, baby Tanner is the Lord’s.
I know if he needs surgery he is the Lord’s.
Whatever scenario life brings us and God calls us to walk, we are the Lord’s.
I didn’t pick this verse because we think baby Tanner may die. This heart defect is thankfully one that is easy to fix and that babies go on to live a normal healthy life after surgery. I find comfort in this verse because I know that whatever life brings, I am the Lord’s and my children belong to him also.
I have had a child die. My first child died. But never for a moment was he not or is he not in the hand of his heavenly father.
I am blessed to have an energetic, happy healthy 2 year old. Parenting after a loss is not easy but I know Ella belongs to the Lord.
In the mundane of every day I am the Lord’s, held in His hand and kept by the power of His blood. When my life is over and my time on earth is done, I will then still be the Lord’s.
The saying has become cliche but is true, “I don’t know the future but I know the One who holds the future.”
And I know that I am His.